On Loss

balloon release

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted here. I didn’t know what to do. It seemed vapid and silly to come post about another trip or fun thing to do or even to complain about one of life’s little gripes when there was an elephant in the room. I lost a friend recently, and dealing with it has been tougher than I ever expected.

See, my friend killed herself. The total truth is that I don’t really know everything that happened. It’s not really a question that you can (or would want to) ask a grieving family. But I know that my friend had demons for the last several years, that she tried to make things better, and that’s she gone now. And that’s really all that matters in the end.

But the thing is, I cannot and will not reduce her to her last act on earth (however intentional or not it may have been). She was silly and funny and a dear friend. My friend was thoughtful, caring, and lit up every room she walked into. She was a music lover, a tremendous dog lover, and a caring, aunt, sister, and daughter. She was a delight.

Dhe felt deeply about things, which meant she was loyal and passionate in every one of her interactions. She was also a bit of a contradiction. She studied engineering and then (after getting not one but two degrees) became a chef, much to the confusion of many. It’s also not typical for someone to be both devoutly Catholic and fiercely liberal, but she was both of those things in equal measure, which made for fiery conversations with those who were only on the same page with her about half of that equation. She was complex.

My friend was all of these things. And now she is gone. And the world is a darker place because of it.